False Dragon Emperors
by Drogoth
Summary: An eldritch entity in a fit of pure boredom throws two unsuspecting idiots into the DxD-verse, wearing odd copies of the current generation Dragon Emperors' bodies along with their Gears... This can't possibly go wrong, right? Collaboration fic with DrPhilInSweatpants. Story includes two near OP level SI characters both with rather questionable moral compasses…


***WILD DROGOTH HAS APPEARED!***

***IT USED "PUBLISH A NEW STORY!"***

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**This one is something a **_**bit**_ **different from my usual projects. A collaboration fic between me and DrPhilInSweatpants, where we basically throw two guys (ourselves) from our world into the DxD-verse wearing bastardized copies of Divine Dividing and Boosted Gear with endgame-level (clone) bodies of the original wielders of current generation.**

**Buckle up and prepare for all the chaos that is about to ensue when two irresponsible idiots are given the power to kill gods on their whim.**

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**DPIS: Bonus points if ya message me an answer to the following question:  
**"**What would you do if you got Isekai'd, and why?"****  
**

**Drogoth: That's a tough one, partner. I mean for a proper answer; you'd need to have at least some form of foreknowledge about the world, general area, timeline and what you are or become upon arrival.**

**DPIS: I'm more expecting a generic answer, but expanding on it would work.**

**Drogoth: Aight, just pointing that one out there though.**

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**Enjoy the chapter and please Follow, Favorite and leave a Review or I'll summon the Great Red on yeh! ;)**

**No seriously; Reviews are the only thing that keeps an Author motivated!**

**All mindless flames will duly be ignored (like all immature shits (Trolls) of the community should be), but ****constructive** **criticism is highly welcomed if it means we could potentially improve the quality of our story.**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own Highschool DxD it belongs to its respective owner.**

**We only own the SIOCs… for the most part…**

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Speech: "What"

_Thoughts(3rd POV) / Inner speech: 'What'_

_Telepathy: "What"_

**Demonic/Distorted voices: "What"**

_**Sacred Gear Speech: [What]**_

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_-Within Unknown Realm Of Eldritch Horrors-_

If there's one thing no being would _ever _wish upon anyone, even to their worst enemies; is a bored **Eldritch **God… Especially one that has turned into a bit of a weeaboo due to **IT** being mainly responsible for overseeing the fictional Universes of Japanese origin from planet Earth… Well what is _thought_ to be fictional at any rate. You know, with multiverse theory and all; millions (if not hundreds of _billions_) new worlds are basically popping into existence on a daily basis.

And it is up to **IT**, that things won't go astray and out of control with all these new worlds being flooded-in in a constant flux from people's imaginations alone… And believe me; having two worlds collide at random ain't exactly fun… most of the time...

**IT** technically has no name to speak of, but there was a point in time where one of the Nyarlathotep spawns came up and started calling it, Weeaboch... At first it was meant as a joke (or insult, take your pick), but after a while with everyone starting calling it _that_; the name kind of just stuck… like a mite...

And now... Weeaboch was bored... Not that it didn't have nothing to do, but after multiple millennia of rinse and repeat in micromanaging an endless flux of multiverses it may as well be but a chore by now, something that you do subconsciously to the point you could easily do in your sleep.

Boredom is typically a normal thing, except when the bored being in question is a cosmic entity so old and powerful where some of Weeaboch's more…irritable associates tended to eat some of the worlds every day simply for shits and giggles.

So you can imagine that when it came to the conclusion that it felt bored, Weeaboch decided to look upon the universe it had been absently managing to see if the centerpiece had done anything interesting yet.

It was then the entity learned it could feel new set of emotions.

Forefront of it all, was _incredulity_…

"_**The hell am I watching?"**_

Like any other Eldritch God, Weeaboch is also gifted with a mental fortitude beyond human comprehension. However the more Weeaboch's been observing this Issei Hyoudou, aka the Sekiryuutei, of universe DxD (well one multiverse branch of it), the more it is actually considering suicide by hanging itself with one of Azathoth's tendrils… To which if Weeaboch were to be honest; is actually pretty damn impressive feat to achieve...

Regardless, whatever (insignificant) admiration it may have felt towards the subject was greatly eclipsed by the sheer sense of ridiculity before it.

Then came the _depression_… mixed with deep sense of _irritation_...

"_**To think the chosen child of this world is such an irredeemable dumbass..."**_

Vast majority of the worlds under Weeaboch's jurisdiction has one thing in common; they all had some form of chosen child with the fate of their world resting upon their shoulders and it is up to them whether to save it or destroy it.

What was that one brat's name that has caught his fancy that one time? Naraku? No, that was not it; Narud? No… Hmm, AH! Naruto! That was his name! Interesting young lad that one was, though admittedly incredibly annoying orange-wearing (literal) eyesore in the beginning but he at least had a reasonable excuse for his idiocy, since no one was there to teach him shit for the first 12 years of his life. Regardless that very same brat had found a way in uniting the war-ridden world and becoming one of the strongest beings in existence in his own universe, if that isn't enough of a redemption for his past self then what would be?

Still the Entity has seen just how this… Issei… had come close so many times to having his dream come true, win a fight, or otherwise achieve victory, and basically throw it away... like your typical dense-ass shonen hero… But unlike with Naruto; the Eldritch entity is just incapable of finding any redeeming qualities in this buffoon!

Weeaboch ponders; sure, while Issei too is fated to become one massive powerhouse at some point in his future, but after listening to his _constant_ and _non-stop _tirades of; OPPAI this! OPPAI that! Its nigh unlimited patience has finally started to run quite damn thin!

The Entity swore; if it's ever gonna hear the word OPPAI one more time; Weeaboch will do everything in its power to make sure the breast obsessed little maggot gets purged out of existence from each and every single DxD reality there is within the multiverse!

"_**Ugh… what would Cthulhu-senpai do… right... nevermind, foolish question... Start a cult, turn everyone insane, proceed with holocaust and consume everything… Not exactly what I'm after right now..."**_

Then a thought hit the Entity like a comet.

"_**Wait… I know just the thing that could turn things far more interesting down there and even give me the entertainment I need..."**_

A horrifying smirk has found its way upon its… all six of its maws, each filled with shark-like teeth...

"_**It may have been a few centuries since I've last pulled this, but nonetheless it should be enough to settle my boredom for the time being... I can only hope my next chosen mortal won't turn out into an utter disappointment like the last one. I mean, while amusing at first, who the hell dies on a banana peel with Gamer powers anyway!?"**_

Anyhow, to pick a new champion… or two, just to spice things up a bit.

Choice made, Weeaboch reached down to mortal fodder planet #38472 with its many clawed tentacles to pick two souls at random, but as if through some unforeseen fit of dumb luck; it managed to pick up two poor sods, that oddly enough already had some form of connection to each other. With a nonchalant shrug, Weeaboch grasped on their souls and ruthlessly ripped them out of their bodies, completely disregarding how their physical bodies just ceased to function and fell over like puppets without their strings within the material realm.

The Entity brought the souls (both dull grey in color) closer and held them up in front of it to inspect the flickering orbs.

"_**Now let's see what to do with you… Gamer? No… not after how the last guy turned out and it's highly overused… but seriously, death by a fucking banana peel… Moving on; Reiryoku? Nah, not interested… Chakra? No, this world already has its own equivalent for Chakra and Senjutsu users, and sending in warriors with Bullshit Eyes into the mix is just so out of fashion now..."**_

The Entity carefully went through its options for an undetermined amount of time, before it froze all of sudden as it finally came up with a perfect plan to turn things very interesting for awhile.

"_**The Dragon Emperors… Hmm… Yes, that will do perfectly..." **_ Weeaboch made a feral grin(s) that'd bring any mortal down to insanity upon witnessing it. "_**Especially since the Red one is practically nothing but dick-for-brains monkey, with the White one being an asexual prude, who's only method to nut himself is through fisting…" **_

The Entity raised the souls more close-up to its… "face" and narrowed its many eyes upon them scrutinizingly. "_**You two better be grateful for the gifts I'm about to bestow upon you… But alas lucky for you I'm nothing if not generous. You will get the tools you need to get started and some extra… All you need to do is cause some chaos and most importantly; make things entertaining for me… If you turn out like the banana guy; I swear death will be the LAST of your worries…" **_

Weeaboch swore under breath to the two souls before it, not that they'd understand its speech (with its language being incomprehensible for any lower being) or even hear it since souls without their bodies tends to lose all sense of awareness of themselves and their surroundings. But, meh semantics, right?

"_**Now then… first I have to mold these souls into something to better fit the kind of bodies I have in store for them..." **_With a feral grin(s) still in place; Weeaboch went to work, fully intent on creating something that'd be enough to make even poor little Yahweh (the pretentious old man, calling himself God) shit himself inside his grave and perhaps even a raised eyebrow from Trihexa in its sleep.

"_**And now comes the fun part~"**_

It had all the time in the universe at its beck and call, it might as well make the best of it.

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**=FALSE DRAGON EMPERORS=**

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****OPENING THEME:  
******UNKNOWN ACTOR by RAITO**

**(opening theme of the console version of UNIST)**

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**=CHAPTER 1=**

**=THE ARRIVAL=**

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_-Later in the DxD-verse, Underworld-  
-POV Change, The First Soul-_

_***SPLASH!* **_

"BRGBRBHH!?" Waddafuck!? Waddafuck!? Waddafuck!? Waddafuck!?

I'm under water!? Why— **How **am I underwater—!? "Brrggph!" No time to think! Air! I looked up, which hopefully is the surface and swam towards it with utmost haste.

_***Splash***_ "Gaaaah!" As soon as I got my head above the water level; I gasped loudly and began filling my lungs with the oh so precious oxygen. And by some dumb luck; when I reached out with one of my arms the moment I reached the surface, the extended limb actually landed on a solid ground. The moment I realized I was right by the shore; I immediately acted upon this and quickly pulled myself up and out from the body of water I was dropped into.

As soon as I was fully out from, what I soon realized to be a large river; I fell on my back gasping for breath, while coughing occasionally.

As soon as I've gotten calm enough and steadied my breathing, my mind went into overdrive.

What in the living fuck happened!? Just a second ago, I was happily taking a morning shit back in my flat, then all of sudden as soon as I closed my eyes during one particularly large yawn, I suddenly find myself fucking drowning! Seriously what the hell, man!?

Only positive thing is that I no longer felt the need to shit anymore... Speaking of which…

I sat up and hesitantly looked down to see whether I still had my pants on… I duly raised an eyebrow.

Well the good news is that I indeed still had my pants on, however what aroused the question is that I'm now wearing an entirely different set of clothing… Lets see; white short-sleeved dress shirt with black highlights (buttons left open) over a blue t-shirt, black slacks and lastly black and white sneakers.

All in all, a decent, comfortable set of clothing in my opinion. But I believe I have fairly more pressing matters than checking out my outfit!

Where the hell am I?!

The more I checked my surroundings the louder the alarm bells were ringing inside my head!

I was in a jungle of sorts filled with blood red trees! Then there was the sky that was fucking purple!? And— Then I blinked when my eyes locked onto... some_thing_ as I looked downwards from the sky…

"Mitä Vit...?"**(1) **I uttered out in baffled tone in my mother language (that being Finnish)...

Up in one of the branches, there was… a bird(?)... a one weird-ass and seriously fucked up looking bird that clearly has seen some shit, considering how it had the face of a derpy chameleon, despite its lower body of an owl. Heck! If ye ask me; the thing looked like a smaller and _more _retarded version of Pukei-Pukei from Monster Hunter!

Houston! I do not think I'm in Kansas anymore!

And I swear if I've been Isekai'd into some alternate, fucked up version of Cretaceous era, I'm gonna go fucking mental! Sure I like dinosaurs like your next guy, but I ain't exactly keen on becoming a snack to some God damn T-Rex!

Then I suddenly heard a commotion coming from behind me a small distance away (right behind those tall bushes), as if something moderately large was falling down a tree if the distinct sounds of rustling of leaves and breaking branches were anything to go by.

Then there was a loud "Thud" finished with an annoyed groaning sound… And I immediately perked up at the latter.

That was no doubt definitely the sound of a fellow human being..!

SOCIAL ACTIVITYYYY!

I rushed towards the source and pushed away any of the vegetation in my way before I finally met with—

_***WHACK!***_

—A fucking fist in the face...

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_-A Few Minutes Prior-  
-POV Change, The Second Soul-_

Where the hell am I?

Let's see… last thing I had been doing before I came here. I'd gone to work, clocked in, sat down, everything went black and… I wake up here. In a blood red tree, sitting on what I can only imagine a turducken from hell would look like.

Weird trees… weird animals… a _sky that's a disturbing shade of purple…_

…

Holy shit... I think I've been Isekai'd...

...and Truck-kun played no part in it!

I then shook my head. Okay, I can celebrate later, first I nee—

I think it was a bit odd now that I look back on this that I didn't realize that the TFH (Turducken From Hell) was actually still alive and had been spending the last few minutes scrambling to get out from under me.

Which scared the hell out of me, and caused me to fall out of the tree. Crashing and smacking against a plethora of branches, cursing out with each hit on my person all the way down until I finally reached the ground with a solid—

*****_**Thud!***_

"_***Groan***_ That… freaking hurt." I muttered in pain, before I blinked in shock at my voice. "What the—?" Holy hell! Why do I sound so weird!?

Okay, so apparently I can survive a fall from a tree that's at least 200 feet high (hurt like a bitch by the way) and also gotten myself a new voice actor now. Neat.

I sat up with another groan, but as I was about to stand up to brush myself off; I noticed I'm wearing some weird ass clothes. A black leather jacket, a red t-shirt, black pants and shoes? Hi yeah, Hot Topic called, I'm wearing their wet dream…

...If my character theme is by Linkin Park, someone is getting shot.

Then suddenly there was a rustle of bushes coming from behind me, so I instinctively turned around to look towards the source— Only to come across with some Asian guy's face not even two inches away from mine—

_***WHACK!***_

So I may've acted on pure instinct when I planted my fist in the dude's face, sending him to the ground... I mean can you blame me? The fellow got me by complete surprise and— _holy shit my hand!_

"Ghhh! Ye, sonova God fucking whore!" The newcomer cursed while rolling on the ground holding his face. And for some odd damn reason I felt a twinge of pain akin to a brain freeze (making me flinch slightly) when the guy uttered Yhwh's nam— Guh! The hell!? It happened again!

However, the migraine aside—

"What the fuck is your face made of!?" I couldn't help but cry out in utter incredulity. Seriously it felt as if I've attempted to punch through a concrete wall!

"The fuck kind of question is that!? Who the hell just goes around punching people out of blue!? Ghh... F-fuuck! I think you broke something!" The guy groaned out all the while throwing out all kinds of random profanities that would've made even sailors blush… And if this were an anime I'd no doubt be busy sweatdropping right about now at the ridiculous spectacle before me.

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_-Few Minutes Later-  
-2nd Soul-_

It had taken a good solid few minutes for the guy I more or less sucker punched in the face to finally calm down from his cussing fit with both of us seated on the grassy ground across each other. But as soon as he (cue finger quote) _settled down, _so to speak; I _now_ find myself having to deal with this awkward silence between us, while also having the _pleasure_ of being glared daggers at by the same Asian guy (who now had an angry red bruise over his nose) this whole time…

To briefly describe this guy's appearance; as I've already mentioned he was clearly Asian (judging by his facial features) male likely in his late teens, with ash-grey hair color (which I admit is kinda rare to see, dyed maybe?) and turquoise colored eyes. Then he wore a uniform of sorts, that I could swear was something that's mainly worn within Japanese schools. He was also soaking wet for some reason, making me wonder if he actually fell into a river or something.

Though the thing I find most odd is the fact, this guy looks familiar from somewhere, despite this being the first time we ever met… Kinda similar to the feeling you get when you _think_ you've just gotten a brief glimpse at a celebrity that had been walking the other end of the street.

That aside however, once I've taken in his appearance; I decided to finally break the ice between us. "Will ya just let up with the glare, man. I told you; I acted on a pure reflex back there. I mean what'd you do if someone were to suddenly come right up to your face without any warning?" I rhetorically inquired him.

Instead of a proper answer; the boy in front of me merely looked to the side and started grumbling something incomprehensible and bunch of cusses under his breath.

My eye twitched. Is he fucking sulking now, really?

This guy is going to be a major pain in the ass for me, won't he?

I decided to put my irritation aside (for now) and settled in crossing my arms, sitting back while patiently waiting for Mister Grumpy Cat's response.

After another minute he (FINALLY) stopped his sulking and faced me with a grumpy look. And look he's about to fucking say something this time!

About damn time!

"So… you're a Finn too?" Well for an Asian his english is actually very fluent… Also what? A Finn? The hell's this guy yapping on about?

"Pardon?" I voiced my confusion.

"I asked whether you're a Finn too or not." He repeated.

Yeah I heard that, but _again_ what are you on about!? Also "_too"_ ? If he's referring to himself; sorry to break this to you dude, but no matter how I try to look at it, you're God(Ow)damn Asian!

… Great and now I'm starting to sound like a racist… I may consider myself atheist of the highest order but racist I am not!

I JUST HATE EVERYONE EQUALLY!

So basically I gave him the stare equivalent to that of a dead fish, before retorting. "Okay, first off; how the hell did you come up with such conclusion…?"

He too deadpanned at me in response. "You're speaking in Finnish, dude…"

¿Soy qué? **(2)**

I blinked. "Bullshit, I'm speaking English, so are you."

Then all of a sudden the other guy pulled a complete 180 in attitude and started staring at me with the sort of expression that really made me want to consider whether I should punch him for real this time!

"Are… you quite alright in there, buddy?" _***Tick!***_ GAAAAH! The concerned tone he had when he said that, only makes my impulse to punch him so much worse! Especially when the asshole had the gall to point at his head with a finger to indicate if I was some sort of mental patient!

I took a deep breath to rein in my intense urge to punch the punk. Then with an exhale I open my mouth to speak. "Look, it matters shit what language we're speaking, since in case you haven't noticed—" I proceeded to point at the TFH (now dead and on the ground due to me landing on it), pointed at the red trees, and then the purple sky. "—we're both kinda having an Isekai case scenario on our hands here! … Err… You've been Isekai'd here too, right?" I paused to confirm his side of the story, while I was absolutely certain about my situation, I however have no damn clue whether it was the same for him or if he was one of the locals here…

Fortunately for me; my words seemingly did the trick, considering the way he's blinking at me with the sort of expression as if he only just realized (or finally gotten reminded) about his (read: our) situation.

Then at last he spoke, after coming out of his stupor. "Uhm… I personally call it getting ROB'd—" Robbed? "— considering I've read a whole bunch of fanfics about those, but case in point; yeah, that seems to be the case for me as well..."

I subconsciously let out a sigh in relief at that, while getting Isekai'd _may_ sound awesome on paper (depending **entirely** on _where _you end up and _what_ you become or get), but I'd always prefer having someone as company, who's in a similar position as I, over dealing with everything alone.

"So, you're truly hearing everything I say right now in English?"

I sighed when he went back to that subject. "Are we really going back there?" I tiredly inquired while shaking my head, but nonetheless I answered the question. "Nevermind... But yes I do. Don't ask _why,_ I don't know I just do… But right back at you; you're truly speaking Finn right now?" I asked in curiosity, to which he nodded in confirmation.

"Uhh, last I checked, yes?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "But why though? You're… Aren't you Asian?" I corrected my phrasing midway in the form of a question, since for all I knew; he indeed _could_ be an European who only has an Asian blood mixed into his heritage.

"Do I seriously look like a damn Asian to you!?" He snapped at me pointing his face with a finger with a visible vein mark around his temple.

Judging by the heated retort that he threw right back at me after I made my inquiry; needless to say my initial (admittedly biased) opinion of him was proven false… Either that or he was in a severe denial…

I deadpanned at him again and decided to be as blunt about it as possible. "_YES_ you do… Hell, you're even wearing one of those Japanese school uniforms you usually only see in anime."

This time he went quiet, staring at me like a gaping fish. "R-really?"

"Yup!" I said with a nod, while popping the P.

"Oh… Well fuck..." He calmly stated, seemingly in slight daze.

My lips quirked up in amusement at his reaction.

There was another moment of silence between us, but this time it was broken by the ash-haired guy.

"Soooo, speaking of looks; anyone ever mentioned you look exactly like Vali Lucifer who one day decided to go full Goth on his hair?"

...Okay, where did I leave my rifle?

**TBC**

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**AN - That's a wrap! And I hope you all liked it!**

**As I mentioned above; this one will be quite different from what I've been used to writing. First off; it's a collaboration fic! Technically this is not the first one I've ever been apart of, but the last project I did (or at least attempted to do) with the Author "Professor JonCel", a fic in his Profile called "Muv-Luv: Endgame"... Well it kinda just died before it even began with how the guy just... vanished the next day after he had managed to publish the first chapter of it... And we had so much in mind for it as well... Oh well to the second part!**

**Secondly; One thing I try to keep a keen eye on is about balancing my characters, so they wouldn't appear overly OP in them. At least this is something I try my hardest to avoid at most times. So False Dragon Emperors will basically be the polar opposite of that inner rule of mine, though I... WE try to keep things interesting enough so that there would be at least some challenge for the two ahead of them. Which will be kinda interesting experience to do, considering my co-writer has this tendency to go balls deep into these figurative cookie jars with this _OP-GaryStu_ label in them and it is up to me to slap him on the wrist before he reaches too far into it. **

**No offense though mate!**

**DPIS: None taken… _*reaches towards the jar*_**

**NO! _*Slaps the hand away*_ BAD!**

**DPIS: Dammit, let me have my OP moments! _*runs off*_**

**_*Sigh*_ See what I'm working with here?**

**Anyhow; on the next chapter; the Self-Inserts will come up with a new name for themselves and it will (or should) be officially revealed, which guy holds which one of the two cloned Dragon Emperor Gears. But then again I believe there has been plenty of hints which guy will be which one's clone.**

**OH! And before I forget; if you happen to visit my Profile page; please go and vote on the Poll I set up a few weeks back could ya? It's fairly important as its results could affect heavily on the Mockingbird fic's storyline.**

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**(1) He was about to say: "Mitä Vittua" (What the fuck)**

**(2) I'm what?**


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